Listening to reply is the standard way that most people communicate. We listen to reply,â Stephen Covey. The answer is, when you listen to respond, as Bruce mentioned in his article. If you must, make short punchy notes. Listening To Understand vs. Push yourself to realize that although someone might have canceled your vote, you might still have the same favorite snack or hobby or music. During crafting the working agreements, when  I meant “listen”, it was “listen to understand the other person” (or at least that was my unsaid assumption that had worked quite well many times). You also need to create a feedback loop to allow them to describe their understanding of a particular project and what it means to them. You are able to separate facts and interpretation of facts (feelings) and respect both without discounting either. Sometimes, you feel a bit vulnerable because of that. Admit your faults and discuss what you can do better in ⦠Depending upon the individual, it could be between a few seconds to up to a minute. ~Stephen R. Covey Listening is an important part of communication but is also one of lifeâs most difficult skills. When youâre practicing active listening, youâre more interested in listening to what the other person is saying, rather than formulating your response. Initially, they were shorter, I did not mind it, and Jack did not too, but when it started getting longer and louder, I visibly saw Jack getting irritated and I reminded both of them about working agreements, to give space to the other person to talk. Listening is an active process by which we make sense of, assess, and respond to what we hear. Your mind wanders to other thoughts. Jack was the first one who wanted to share his perspective. Sometimes, we ourselves are not consciously aware if we are just listening to respond or listening to understand. Using body language and other signs to acknowledge you are listening can also help you to pay attention. So often, pain and suffering are not met with compassion, but with judgment. Hence it is easy to know if someone is listening to understand or listening to respond. If a speaker fails to read your nonverbal feedback, you may need to follow up with verbal communication in the form of paraphrased messages and clarifying questions. Are you listening for understanding or are you focused more on what you are going to say next? You listen to not just what is said, but also what is unsaid. Stop trying to constantly prove that youâre right and be the bigger person and try to solve the issue. Gather the information, process it, store it, with no attempt to respond. October 31, 2018 Hacks deborah It is normal to listen to what others are saying and thinking about how we are going to respond. So in conclusion, work on active listening by following these simple rules. Communication involves the sharing and understanding of meaning. Even if [they] say things that are full of wrong perceptions, full of bitterness, you are still capable of continuing to listen with compassion. Pragmatic Jedi Mind Tricks for Everyday People. âMost people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.â â Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change Usually during this type of listening you want to be fully present in the moment or mindfully listening to what the speaker is saying. 28) If you are listening mainly to understand the speaker's message, you are engaging in A) content listening. âThe biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand. Remember that your nonverbal feedback can be useful for a speaker, as it signals that you are listening but also whether or not you understand. B) critical listening. To ensure that things are done right, the first time, managers need to provide subordinate managers with the appropriate information up front. By understanding body language more effectively, we can decrease our chances of being misunderstood. Vent if you have to, but donât linger on the problem. When someone is speaking to us, there is a delay between what we hear and what we understand. You listen with only one purpose: to help him or her to empty [their] heart. How will they a⦠Not to respond. The Reality That All Women Experience That Men Don’t Know About, What We Talk About When We Talk About Men: The Top 12 Issues Men Face Today, The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men's Lives is a Killer, Explaining White Privilege to a Broke White Person, Relationships Aren't Easy, But They're Worth It, The First Myth of Patriarchy: The Acorn on the Pillow, 10 Things Good Men Should Never Do in a Relationship, White Fragility: Why It's So Hard to Talk to White People About Racism. Listening To Reply. Challenge yourself to listen to understand, not to respond. Even when the other person wants some acknowledgement or clarification, you withdraw yourself, because you know that anything you say or do will be and can be used against you. Listen to understand. As soon as Jack started talking, Bob started interrupting, mixing his perspective into Jack’s story. Put everything down. Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. You aren't necessarily agreeing with the person, you are simply indicating that you are listening. D) active listening. What does it really mean, âlisten to understandâ. To fully share and understand, practice active listening and reading so that you are fully attentive, fully present in the moment of interaction. One of the greatest lessons in life is to listen with the intent to understand what is being said, instead of just listening to respond. Try to respond to the speaker in a way that will encourage him to continue speaking, so that you can get the information that you ⦠Ask the person to follow-up with their points in writing, if necessary. Do Not Sell My Personal Information. Reflective listening is ⦠Pay attention to both the ⦠Listening to respond: characterized by impatience, you are waiting for your turn. Required fields are marked *. I had to hold my ground as the discussion was getting headed that point of time. You can say what has been said “verbatim” if someone asks you what was said. You not only understand the words, but also try to understand the feelings behind those words. Some of the topics they may address are: 1. Biased Algorithms: Does Anybody Believe Twitter Is Racist? If you are listening and responding from a place of anger and defensiveness (without being aware of this), you are much less likely to hear or respond constructively in the conversation. You have to observe yourself (or be ⦠Comprehensive Listening. You have to observe yourself (or be mindful, and it takes some practice), observe your thoughts, your attitude and your body language when having a conversation, especially a headed one. Your body language conveys apathy and indifference. Initially I had no idea what the heck that meant. ⦠You may also be restless (taping your fingers/toes, etc). Lot of times, we are “listening to respond” than “listening to understand” (When your friend was telling you about his vacation, have you gathered your thoughts about your vacation, only to immediately tell him how great your vacation was?). Even though you might have a lot to say, sometimes itâs best not to respond. The idea behind active listening is not to strain ⦠Listen actively without preparing a response. Beyond who we are as ⦠I figured it was probably just a cute play on words. Shut out everything. What that means is that instead of really paying attention to what the other person is saying, you are already thinking about what you want to say in response. Fortunately or unfortunately, we don’t just listen (or don’t listen) to others only during conflicts. These stages will be discussed in more detail in later sections. The best way to listen is with your mouth shut. Be attentive but relax your gaze. Your email address will not be published. Would a Same-Sex Couple Really Be Welcome in a Church? Hence it is easy to know if someone is listening to understand or listening to respond. If you find yourself clarifying your notes instead of listening, stop immediately. This is opposed to other listening techniques like reflective listening and empathic listening. Physically relax and get comfortable. Your breathing is probably heavy. We filter what we hear based on our core beliefs and we donât take into consideration what that person is trying to say. Answer: A Explanation: A) With content listening, the listener's primary focus is simply in comprehending what the speaker is saying. We hear some things and we start forming our response based on those things while ignoring others. Would love your thoughts, please comment. Examples of Active Listening Techniques There are plenty of active listening techniques that will improve the impression you can make at a job interview. Anyone can listen to respond to a question or statement but it takes someone skilled in communications to listen and truly understand what the subject is saying. However, if you really want to create connection with your loved ones in your life then listen to understand. If you do, you will instill trust, build relationships, and in the end increase sales performance. Inattentive listening or reading can cause us to miss much of what the speaker is sharing with us. Listen to the content of their speech. Listening to understand versus listening to respond. Black People With White Dogs — How I Learned Racism Is Buried Deep in Me, Systemic Racism, Explained by Newton’s First Law of Motion, What Men Say When They Won’t Stop Talking, What I Learned From My Encounters With Evil People, Hard Things Can Tear Us Apart or Bring Us Together, Revisiting ‘Wolf Children’ — an Underrated Tale of Motherhood, Habit Stacking: The Secret Trick for Remembering To Do Things, Six Questions Leaders of Change Must Answer. In order to listen to understand, you need to be aware of your emotions. 2. We listen to others during meetings, in everyday conversations, we listen to our boss, our coworkers, our subordinates,  parents, to kids, to friends and our spouses. You can implement a new habit by attaching it to an existing habit. If I think about it, listening to respond is not even listening. If you are watching the news, listening ⦠Among other things, I try to work something along the lines of “giving other person the space to talk and to listen to their perspective”. I share the conversation space with âWhat do you think?â Asking, âWhat do you ⦠You ask for clarification. If you're not ready to listen- for example, you've been caught unaware⦠The listening process involves five stages: receiving, understanding, evaluating, remembering, and responding. Something strange happened when I sternly told Bob to give Jack the space and time Jack needed to share his perspective. Listening is a vital interpersonal skill and it supports us in the ability to ⦠Your email address will not be published. As the other person is speaking, is that little voice in your head preparing your next response? I will consciously will listen to understand. Listen to Understand, Not to Respond ... Nhat Hanh states: â¦you can call it compassionate listening. Interrupting indicates that your listening skills are ⦠And before I agree to facilitate, I work out some “working agreements” or behaviors which will be adhered to, during the discussion. You are trying to understand from the speakerâs perspective. Listening to understand: You have suspended your judgement. And when it was Bob’s turn, his arguments were like “At 10:01 AM Jack said …, but that is incorrect… “, “When Jack said this at 10:05 AM, he did not consider ….”. Sometimes you have to follow your dreams. Are You Listening to Respond or Listening to Understand? Not long ago, Jack and Bob (names changed) requested that I facilitate a dialog between them (the issue is not important) as they failed to resolve it within themselves, and like a good facilitator, I worked out “listen to the other person” into the working agreements. Our brain has some inbuilt circuitry (mirror neurons) to think and feel what the other person might be thinking and feeling. join like-minded individuals in The Good Men Project Premium Community. The journey is arduous and beautiful at the same time. So when youâre arguing with your parents, your sibling, your friend, your significant other, or whoever, remember this. Active listening is a technique that is used in counseling, training, and solving disputes or conflicts.It requires the listener to fully concentrate, understand, respond and then remember what is being said. If you feel very frustrated ⦠NON-DEFENSIVE LISTENING TIP #7: ⦠I felt like I was in a court, listening to a defense attorney. So, the next time you are going to be in a heated discussion, are you going to listening to respond ? What about notes?Do you really need to take notes? Breathe slowly and deeply. You are curious. As I read more into it and began to fully understand what it meant, listening to understand versus listening to respond, itâs like a light bulb went off in my head.  But Bob had a different understanding for “listening” – stay silent, let the other person talk, but build your defense and arguments. This is what I would call as  “listening to respond”. us are listening to reply and not listening to understand. In order to establish close connections and valuable relationships, listening allows individuals to do so. Think about it, the word listen and the word silent are spelled with the same letters! Bob, not only started taking notes (with time stamps) on what Jack said, but also built a column for counter argument with his points. C) empathic listening. As a coach and facilitator, it is not uncommon that I get pulled into resolving conflicts. Do not immediately prepare your response. You empathize. If youâre talking, youâre not listening! Here are a few things that I have observed in myself when being in both the modes (and yes, I have been guilty of listening to respond). Listening To Reply With the right questions, a conversation between two people with opposing opinions can go from a frustrating stalemate to a productive debate. Or are you listening to understand? Ask good questions Initially, it was a few “and …”, “also…,” , “you should also tell Ram about …”. Listening To Understand vs. You have to formulate and restate what they have told you in your head until it makes perfect sense to you. Focus on the specific words they're using. Your goal during this time is to focus on the speaker, not on yourself. Excellent example Ram. Sometimes, we ourselves are not consciously aware if we are just listening to respond or listening to understand. Listen carefully to the interviewerâs questions, ask for clarification if necessary, and wait until the interviewer has finished talking to respond. What can you do to be consciously be aware of our listening mode? You catch yourself when your thoughts are wandering and bring your focus back to the conversation. That includes, not thinking about how youâre going to reply when another person is talking. When you listen, make sure you understand exactly what the person is trying to convey. First, a study at Princeton University (âSpeaker-Listener Neural Coupling Underlies Successful Communication,â by Charles G. Gross, June 19, 2010) found that there is a lag between what you hear and what you understand. We are generally formulating and answer in our head while the person is talking, i.e. What can you do to be consciously be aware of our listening mode? What Makes a Bad Listener. Stop playing not to lose, and start playing to win. Sales performance Hanh states: â¦you can call it compassionate listening, it could be between a seconds... Create connection with your mouth shut said “ verbatim ” if someone is listening to?! 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