how to be independent in a relationship

And while you may believe being so attached would bring your partner closer, it may in fact push them further away from you because youre being so needy. If you dont stay true to yourself and your convictions, then you will allow your partner to dictate your whole life. variables You should set expectations for independence in the relationship as soon as you can. No matter what, remember that theres nothing wrong with doing stuff you love without your partner. Luckily, by setting aside time to yourself, communicating boundaries, and maintaining a healthy relationship with your partner, staying independent can be easy and even make your relationship stronger. Somehow, the whole idea of finding a special someone tends to overshadow ones right to independence. There are 10 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. She recommends starting off by spending quality time with just yourself. She provides therapy to people who struggle with addictions, mental health, and trauma in community health settings and private practice. This is unrealistic and may end up alienating your partner. Bearing this in mind will help you realize its ok to maintain your own independent hobbies. Even though scheduling that time in your calendar may feel very official, it's important to do because, as Ho notes, if you rely on letting it happen naturally, it's easy to slip into codependency without noticing it. Either way, it is not uncommon for people to not know how to be independent in a relationship while loving someone else wholeheartedly. "When one loses their identity in a relationship, it completely changes the relationship dynamic, which can actually be detrimental to a satisfying relationship for both partners. Another great way to be independent, even if youre in a relationship, is to not sweat the small stuff. There are myriad ways to do this, but here are some of the basic things that every person out there should pay attention to: This is probably the most important thing to remember when you want to know how to be independent in a relationship. [Read: The best self-reflective questions to help stay true to yourself]. When you're in a relationship, life decisions are often made together, but it's still important to check in with how you truly feel and what you really want as an individual. Stand your ground, voice your opinion, and play an active role in the partnership. Paradoxically, maintaining your independence should be something your partner supports you in. Independence in a relationship can look like carving out alone time, having your own hobbies, spending time with your own friends or setting healthy boundaries that cultivate a strong sense of self outside of the relationship. Remember: If exercising independence in your relationship is not something you're accustomed to, it will take some practice before it becomes second nature. She may adore Bikram hot yoga, whereas he prefers collecting Star Wars figurines. Who knows what those papers may have said! Alone time can help both partners thrive. So, we cant stress just how important it is to be in control of your finances and learning how to be independent in a relationship. For example, if evenly dividing the responsibilities for chores is important to you, say so in a firm but respectful way.

Conserving your independence is one of the most important things that you can offer yourself, as it gives you the freedom to be the real you. If youre an extrovert in a relationship with an introvert, find time with them as well as other interpersonal interactions. independent variable dependent vs between difference cause example differentiate chart which comparison statistics Write your way to a rock-solid relationship. To best maintain a unique sense of identity, make sure to spend time with your own friends as well as mutual friends of your partner. [Read: Why people take you for granted 16 signs and firm ways to stop them].

wikiHow is where trusted research and expert knowledge come together. There might be requests such as help me out with this, and Ill buy you that bag youve been eyeing, and heres some cash while Im out of town, and please dont forget to pick up my dry cleaning. You might start feeling more like their secretary than their partner. Reproduction without explicit permission is prohibited. This can be anything from what you will try in bed to the household chores. The more dependent you are on someone, the more likely you are to lose yourself, and that is the deadliest trap that you could possibly fall into. If you want to be apathetic about small stuff like deciding where to head to for dinner, then go right ahead, but when it comes to the big stuff like your future, make sure your voice is heard. And they are excited to reunite and share what happened when they were apart.". Heres how to uncover the truth about yourself, How to stop being so needy Why people start relying on someone else and how to slowly stop it, How to get your shit together 16 strategies to stop feeling so stuck, Emotional dependency and signs youre overly reliant on others, What you can do when you want to spend some time alone, How your self-respect affects you and your relationships, How to focus on yourself in a relationship and avoid losing yourself, 17 most important things that hold a relationship together. You need to define what your role is and what their role is. As often as once a week or as seldom as once a month might be all you need to maintain a healthy social life outside your relationship. It just requires some intention and practice. How often to see friends and family ultimately depends on your own social needs. Getting obsessed over petty things will drive you crazy, take focus away from the things that really matter, and worst of all, snatch away your independence. Move in with family and friends for a while or consider temporarily living in a domestic violence shelter. So, if this sounds like you, then examine why you are that way and how you can change it. This doesnt mean you should never compromise. "You can decide if the relationship is still working for you, and you can feel confident that you can separate yourself from it if things get really bad and not lose a significant chunk of your life and who you are," Ho says. You're in it togetherthe ups, the downs and everything in between.

If you find someone who loves doing the same things as you, then bravo. You will worry about it day in and day out, obsessing over why your partner isnt ready, whether its something you did, whether you should even be together, and so on. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/a\/ad\/Be-Independent-in-a-Relationship-Step-1-Version-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Be-Independent-in-a-Relationship-Step-1-Version-2.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/a\/ad\/Be-Independent-in-a-Relationship-Step-1-Version-2.jpg\/aid10206412-v4-728px-Be-Independent-in-a-Relationship-Step-1-Version-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"

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\n<\/p><\/div>"}, The Top Emojis a Girl Will Use if She Likes You, How to Tell if Your Girlfriend Is Horny: 12 Signs She's Turned On, What to Do When Your Girlfriend Is Mad at You (10+ Steps to Take), Why Does Your Girlfriend Call You Daddy? In other words, being independent adds value to the relationship rather than detracting from it. When they are anxious, it makes them want to be more dependent and clingy. Whether its enjoying a lovely spring day with a latte at your corner caf or taking some time apart to indulge in hobbies, theres nothing wrong with occasionally flying solo. For example, if there are things you feel uncomfortable doing for your partner (e.g., lying for them), tell them youre not willing to do this. Maintaining independence in a relationship also cultivates respect from one another because your lives aren't solely focused on each other. Being able to be by yourself without your partner will increase your sense of self-worth and go a long way towards fostering a sense of independence. 19 signs of low self-esteem in a woman that prove you need self-love, The best self-reflective questions to help stay true to yourself, Why people take you for granted 16 signs and firm ways to stop them, Healthy relationship boundaries how to talk about them and set them, Time apart in a relationship 21 signs, reasons, and how to bring it up. Multitasking: Is It Good And Can You Actually Master It? So, you need to get out a schedule and write down when you are going to have couple time and when you are going to have me time. Literally, write it in both of your calendars so you know when its time to have some alone time and neither of you gets upset about it. [Read:What you can do when you want to spend some time alone]. She also covers lifestyle and wellness topics for print and digital publications such Refinery29, Bustle, Well + Good, Cosmopolitan, Byrdie, The Zoe Report, The Cut and more. Partners who are independent in their relationship will feel comfortable communicating their needs and wants to one another without feeling afraid of their partner's reaction or worrying that it may hurt the relationship. [Read: Time apart in a relationship 21 signs, reasons, and how to bring it up]. Itll be much harder to nurture independence in both partners if youre fighting against codependent conventions that have already been established in the relationship.

We use cookies to make wikiHow great. Were talking about everyday stuff that you share with your partner. One of the big reasons that people stop being independent when they are in a relationship is how they feel about themselves. Yes, you'll miss each other during that time, but, Ho says, both partners, "can still function well on their own doing what they need to do and feeling joy and positive feelings. Be willing to accommodate your partner where you can, but dont let them sway you on things you care deeply about. They remain unmarried but recently bought a home together. What this means to someone who has this is that they are anxious when they are not with the person they love. "We have a boom in weddings and a shortage in nearly everything it takes to create them," confirms one planner. One of these is the anxious-attachment style. Your space only needs to be private in the context of your relationship, not necessarily the rest of the world. If you end up with someone whos completely against gay marriage, whereas you wholeheartedly support it, dont change your mind just because you want to please your partner. Maybe you are very religious or have strong political views that you are passionate about. So, what does maintaining your independence in a romantic relationship actually look like? [Read: How to get your shit together 16 strategies to stop feeling so stuck]. [Read:Should you be worried about justifying your life choices?]. Beyond being a source of independence, hobbies can also have a huge impact on your well-being. Dont use absolute language or threats when setting your boundaries. While relationships are often built on shared interests and hobbies, its a mistake to expect your partner to like all of your interests and hobbies as well. It might even be hard climbing out of a financial rut that you might have buried yourself in, as you might be used to being a pampered person. Get an inside look at the couple's ultra-romantic nuptials with these brand-new pictures.

Some ideas Ho offers for what to do with your alone time include taking yourself out on a lunch date or exploring a new hobby. Perhaps it happened to you. Jessica contributes wedding planning, wedding etiquette and relationship content to The Knot. Everyone has a different way that they emotionally attach to other people. Remember, being independent in a relationship doesnt mean going it alone! However, affairs can be devastating when discovered by monogamous partners and your relationship may not recover if you betray your partners trust this way. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011. Only do so if you have viable job opportunities there and you are able to go ahead with whatever long-term plan that youve mapped out for yourself pre-relationship. Use this time to think about what you enjoy doing, and get used to spending time alone. ", When one or both partners don't maintain their independence in a relationship, that turns into codependency. Its totally fine to have a shared group of friends, but always remember that its very important to have your own group. where you are! Be sure to always cover your ass and be smart about your choices. You may be in a relationship, but that doesnt mean youve given up your voice and brain, right? If you think that you are just instinctively and unconsciously spending time with your significant other, then it can get to be too much. Follow us on Instagram Facebook Twitter Pinterest and we promise, well be your lucky charm to a beautiful love life. No more handouts from the other person, and to be honest, your relationship might actually get better than ever. By signing up you are agreeing to receive emails according to our privacy policy. Heres how to uncover the truth about yourself]. Whether your relationship is a few days old or youve been together for years, here are some very important tips that you should keep in mind when it comes to taking control and being more independent in a relationship. This gorgeous Hollywood couple finally made it official in a private wedding ceremony at their Bel Air home. An abusive relationship can feature any sort of abuse, whether it be physical, verbal, or emotional. Strengthen your bond and have fun at the same time. Although you can rely on each other, it's essential that you maintain your independence. The couple has been together for nearly a decade.

This article was co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Wisconsin specializing in Addictions and Mental Health. In times of turmoil, they will always take your partners side, regardless of whos in the wrong, and you will be left with zero support. % of people told us that this article helped them. Although you enjoy spending time together, in a romantic relationship where both partners are independent, you'll still be fine spending time apart. Dont let your partner change you and your opinions about the world. If your partner hits you, berates you, gaslights you, or emotionally blackmails you, they are being abusive.

Make sure you frame your words in a way that adequately conveys your concerns without hurting your partners feelings. Instead of falling into routines of when you hang out, you need to be more conscious and purposeful about it. And that will keep you dependent on them forever if you let that happen. Some people see being a people-pleaser or a giver as an altruistic thing to do. Rehearsal Dinners, Bridal Showers & Parties. Always keep in mind that your self-validation isnt dependent on being in a relationship. Put yourself in their shoes and think about how you would feel hearing this conversation from them. Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 31,537 times. However, as time goes by, they might unconsciously use money as an incentive for you to behave according to their wishes. Your independent space can also be a public place (e.g., a coffee shop or public park) you can go to spend time away from your partner. If youre a student, reach out to your students counseling center and see about making an appointment to speak to a counselor. Because when you do love yourself, you will have self-respect and wont become dependent on another person. Whether you're in a long-term relationship or a brand-new one, you and your partner are navigating life as a team. From bank-related mortgage paperwork to partial ownership of the house, she signed all the Swedish documents in front of her, despite the fact that she cant speak or read Swedish. An example is freaking out over why your partner hasnt invited you to move in yet. Independent couples feel happy that their partner has hobbies, interests and friends outside of them. Theres no need to behave like Velcro when youre in a relationship. Your friends and family will also serve as a support group when your relationship goes through hard times and will help to keep you grounded. But that means you dont have very high self-respect because you sacrifice your own needs for the other person. The lines of acceptable and unacceptable need to be drawn very clearly. Lets say that you are in a relationship with a person who makes life so comfortable that working isnt necessary. Always make time for girls or boys night out, and although its fine if your partner joins you every so often, try to spend solo time with your friends at least several times a month. Similar to being a people-pleaser, a person who doesnt draw boundaries tends to be a doormat. Well, if thats true, then stick to your morals and values. Can you guess who stayed together after the final rose? [Read: 17 most important things that hold a relationship together]. Keep scrolling for more. 50 Ways to Increase Productivity and Achieve More in Less Time, 30 Things to Sell to Make Extra Money Easily, 7 Steps To Planning A Honeymoon To Remember, 7 Reasons Why You Need To Let Go of A Toxic Relationship, How Being Independent Can Keep You From Breaking Up, 25 Inspirational Movie Quotes That Teach You Valuable Life Lessons, How To Approach Dating If Youre Too Busy To Date, 20 Motivational Quotes of the Week to Brighten You Up, 14 Things That Make You Happy and Enjoy Life More, How to Increase Mental Focus and Stay Sharp, How To Get Fit If You Have a Busy Schedule, signs that your relationship is effectively over, a clear warning sign of a controlling, unhealthy relationship, 7 Most Common Distractions at Work (And How to Tackle Them), Why To-Do Lists Dont Work (And How to Change That), 9 Best Productivity Planners To Get More Done in 2022, 3 Techniques for Setting Priorities Effectively, Productivity Can Be Improved By These 10 Actionable Steps, Best Focus Music for Concentration And Productive Work, 7 Ways to Leverage Your Time to Increase Your Productivity, Why Working 9 to 5 Is Not Ideal For Efficient Work Today, How to Live a Full Life (Without Compromising on What Truly Matters), Achieving Goals: The Ultimate Guide to Goal Achieving & Goal Setting in 2022, What Is Motivation And How To Get Motivated (Your Ultimate Guide). "Flex the muscle that helps you acclimate to being without your partner, and experience that feeling of missing your partner when you're away," Ho says. Be patient with yourself. A relationship is made up of two people with shared hobbies, interests, and affection for one another, who create a bond that's greater than the sum of all those individual parts. If you ever find yourself at a point where youre no longer happy with who you are, that may be a sign that something (maybe even the relationship) needs to change. Liked what you just read? Lets say you have a good friend who recently relocated to Sweden with her long-term Swedish partner. "Your life becomes all about making your partner happy, and people find that their own self-esteem starts to depend on how their partner is feeling or doing every day," Ho says of codependent relationships. Another way to be independent in a relationship is to have an opinion. Losing your individualism and being dependent on your partner can change you because you might have to explain why you needed money for this, why you needed to buy that, and so on.

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